Tiesiogiai su psichologija susijusias knygas aš skaitau, kaip terapiją ir pagalbą sau. Ir šią skaityti man buvo emociškai sunku. Vienoje iš istorijų radau daug panašumų ir skaudėjo už juos ir už save. Bet pats procesas džiugina, kai tokiu būdu gali permąstyt save, naujai, iš kito kampo pamatyt situacijas, o perėjus viską pasijaučiu lengvesnė. 💛 History, to paraphrase author and activist James Baldwin, lives within us. We are vessels for narratives derived from our collective culture, ancestors and lived experiences. And that's why it's so important to capture them. Learning the stories of those closest to us not only enables us to better understand the trajectory of their lives but also helps us make sense of our own.

Kate: Exactly. Yes. Meanwhile, I’m busy putting terrible things in the coherence machine and inventing a story that never flatters me about why it’s happening. Yes. It is.In the eight case studies we are gently guided . . . towards a deeper understanding of the importance of honesty, self-examination and communication within all relationships. . . . [An] engrossing book [with] extraordinary personal honesty.” — Daily Mail A wise and important book, full of insight into the pain and beauty at the heart of family life... I loved it' Clover Stroud

Kate: It sounds like there is a tremendous amount of possibility in learning to rewrite these stories.

Success!

Julia: And that whole idea of being a soft skill is not. It’s really, really hard. And it is the only thing that matters, it’s the best medicine. Right. But it is not so scary. It requires. Yes. Unbelievable. Endurance, patience, fury, rage. You know. Because where you feel most you feel most. So if you have joy, one end of the bandwidth of love, you’re going to feel fury as well. You know, it’s wide it’s as big as a yes you get. Discuss this episode with a book club, friends, or bible study group. Here are some conversation starters: Julia Samuel: I am so pleased to be seeing you. We forged a friendship in 30 minutes, but actually it was longer because I read your book that took like 3 hours. So it is funny how you can know someone from reading their works. This is a paradox I often witness: as long as people are unaware of the impact of their past, they often find themselves re- enacting elements of it, rather than making conscious choices that would work better for them.’ The single most important thing you can do for your family may be the simplest of all: develop a strong family narrative.” (Bruce Feiler)

Julia mentions the Winnicott Term and the Good Enough Parent , a term coined by the British pediatrician and psychoanalyst D. W. Winnicott. Kate also spoke about this idea of being a Good Enough Parent with Don Rosenstein and Justin Yopp in an episode called “The Magic of We”. Julia: It was really intense, but it actually only took like eight sessions. And the thing that is so powerful is it renewed their relationship with their mother and it protected their children. So one of the things, if you want to kind of think about not passing down inherited trauma kind of deal with it in your lifetime because you will pass otherwise, you know, suicide is like a cluster bomb. It puts shards of agony in in everybody in different places. But by looking at the shards and naming them and having a clearer understanding, it means you don’t take the flinching and the injury of the shard to your own children. Fascinating. . . . Julia Samuel’s compassionate work never fails to inform, comfort and make me think.” —Pandora Sykes Kate: When we’re trying to understand our bigger family web and maybe especially. Those in that system who have been unkind, maybe untrue, unfaithful. I mean, maybe the reason why we’re going to therapy in the first place. I wondered if I wonder if we could talk about the limits of this kind of empathy. Because I remember I had an interesting conversation with Tara Westover to remember her. She wrote that book, Educated. It’s this beautifulJulia: And that in trying to protect them, you would also exclude yourself and each other. And there’d be that presence of absence even when you were alive. So it’s it’s better to be a messy fighting person who’s real. I mean, I remember telling my daughter. Relationships fundamentally influence our health and happiness -- and family is the only relationship that we cannot leave, however much we might like to. But we think too narrowly about the impact of our families on our lives. As someone who has gone through significant turmoil in my family life with my parents, I found this a really insightful book and has persuaded me that it may be beneficial to consider some psychotherapy, and potentially even family therapy - although perhaps it is too late for that (apparently it's never too late). Fascinating... Julia Samuel's compassionate work never fails to inform, comfort and make me think' Pandora Sykes

Kate: Yeah. Then I just had some ugly, terrible fight with somebody at one point. My sister and I, and I was like, Oh, I’m so sorry. I’m just. I’m so sorry. And my dad said, Oh hun, I would so much rather you than the memory of you. And what I heard in that was I would so much rather the terrible complexity than the abstract perfection. And that gave me a lot of permission not to. It’s up to sort of be in pain politely, but to just let the try to let the weight of what I was and was going through to be something that more than I would have to carry. Yeah. Yeah. Occasionally, Samuel’s elegant wrapping up of chapters – the hint of marshmallow without quite enough steel – encourages misgivings. Would more time have helped? Maybe there needed to be a garnish of hopelessness too – to convince. She concludes: “The difficult truth is that we can only fix what we can face.” I was waiting for her to add that there is an even more difficult truth: that not everything can be fixed. But Samuel is on the side of making life better, and, especially at this moment in human history, nothing could matter more. In Every Family Has a Story, bestselling psychotherapist Julia Samuel turns from her acclaimed work with individuals to draw on her sessions with a wide variety of families, across multiple generations. Through eight beautifully told and insightful case studies, she analyses a range of common issues, from loss to leaving home, and from separation to step-relationships, and shows how much is, in fact, inherited -- and how much can be healed when it is faced together. Julia Samuel writes with unfailing grace, tenderness and consummate storytelling. Everyone who reads this will learn something profound' Rachel ClarkeKate: And that’s such a deeply American story. Just like an open field with an individual and all of his bootstraps. Like theres, there’s so many stories that we tell, especially in American culture, that celebrate that kind of hearty loneliness.